What is “The Cloud”
By Jo, The Editorial Mutt
“The Cloud”. We’ve all heard it talked about. Some of the humans say it’s where their TV shows some from, not sure what a Net or Flicking has to do with watching TV… but they say
“the cloud” provides all the Stranger Things they need. I heard Walt’s human talking to someone the other day about how something called “dropbox” makes sure all his pictures are safe, drop box sounds like a game I want to play with the cat. The cloud discussion is very confusing – because after talking about the “net flicks” and the “box-dropping” they look up in the sky and say look at “the cloud”, looks like rain. I, Jo, as a serious reporter, owe it to my four-legged brethren to get to the bottom of this “cloud” issue. So here it is – the exclusive expose – what is “The Cloud”.
I did some research to understand the definition of a “cloud”. What I found out is that that humans are VERY confused. They think cloud can be a noun, adjective, OR a verb?! I’m pretty sure they are just making this stuff up as they go along. How can something either mean…
- “A visible collection of particles of water or ice suspended in the air, usually at an elevation above the earth’s surface” (noun)
- “Of or related to cloud computing” (adjective) – also isn’t there some rule that you can’t use the same word in the definition of the word that you are describing?
- “To overshadow; obscure; darken” (verb)
My conclusion – I’m throwing all of these definitions out. Know why? “To overshadow; obscure; or darken” – there is no way that the cloud means this. If I get to play drop-box with the cat there is no possibility that the cloud means anything other than FUN! “Of or related to cloud computing” – eeehhhtttt. Wrong. They used “cloud” in the definition, they definitely just made this one up. Okay now onto my favorite – the visible collection of particles…what does that even mean? Did Bill Nye write this?
I dug deep and really thought “what is the cloud”? I meditated, I went one one of those “eat, pray, love” trips (okay so I didn’t meditate I did just like Julia Roberts and showed every pizza and bowl of pasta within paw’s reach who was the BOSS!). But seriously after my carbo-coma as I lay in a quaint village in Italy, licking the carbonara off my delicate little paws, it came to me. It was almost like a dream/ meditative state…if you’ve ever had homemade pappardelle with a short rib ragù you know what I’m takin’ about – med-it-ation. The cloud…was what I was resting my pasta-stuffed little tail on. That was IT! THE CLOUD! I was in a serene state of comfort that could be described as nothing but the result of a true, fluffy, comfortable cloud. Maybe it was just the marinara talking, but I think I had it!
I took “the cloud” everywhere with me and invited my friends to rest on it and let me know what they thought. The consensus? Yes. This was in fact “the cloud” – my quest was complete! So friends – here is the definition of the cloud, I know, you’ve waited a long time to truly see and reach a state of deeper understanding – the cloud is life-changing comfort that envelopes your entire being with serenity and joy. Take THAT Liz Gilbert! Look at me gettin’ all philosophical!
So the next time someone tries to tell you that the cloud is about giving you endless access to your Spotify library (ew that sounds like something Ralph gets in trouble for doing on your living room carpet), or that it keeps your precious tweets preserved for eternity (sounds like something you probably DON’T want to do), or that it allows you to look back on Facebook to see what you ate for lunch a year ago (spoiler alert – it looked better than it was), remember – you know the real truth about the cloud. The cloud – is an UnderDog bed. Boom. Knowledge Bomb. Self actualization = achieved. Mic drop – Jo, OUT!